Thursday, July 16, 2015

Ah, The Working Life!

How to Eliminate or Just Simply Crush Morale in the Workplace

Harbor the delusion that you are somehow a despot, if not actually God.  Be arrogant; this gives you the illusion that being a despot, a.k.a. asshole, works in your favor.

Ignore the employees and the Particularly Important Department (PID) they work in, and do this for many years.

Deny funding for improvements to the PID, salaries for much-needed new hires, and raises for the skeleton staff you have left in your wake of budget-slashing and down-sizing.

Let the PID wither, despite the frequent requests for support from the people working in the department.

Wait for the impending site visit of the organization that has the power to soundly smite your organization.

Expect the PID you have been ignoring for years to cheerfully rally round to do the work of making their PID the one that can save your organization from the smiting it most definitely deserves. 

When the employees of the PID seem flabbergasted at your unmitigated gall, accuse them of “having an attitude.”

Threaten them with disciplinary action and possibly dismissal. 

Let your black, little heart rest easy by telling yourself that the people in the PID love you because you are their lord and master.

After you’ve done all these steps, go fuck yourself.

1 comment:

Bridget said...

WAIT A MINUTE. How did you find out about my current workplace?????